family – A New Tomorrow Therapy

Helping Kids Transition Back to School: A Mental Health Guide for Parents

The final weeks of summer can bring mixed emotions for families. Some children are excited to see friends and return to familiar routines, while others may feel anxious, irritable, overwhelmed, or simply resistant to giving up the freedom of summer.

One of the best things parents can do is begin the transition before the first day of school.

Children’s brains and bodies adjust more easily when changes happen gradually. Rather than switching overnight from late bedtimes, unlimited screen time, and flexible summer days to early mornings, structured classrooms, and homework, parents can use the weeks before school to slowly recreate some of the rhythms children will experience once classes begin.

Here are several ways to make that transition easier.

1. Start Rolling Back Bedtime

Summer often means later nights and later mornings. Unfortunately, waking a child several hours earlier on the first day of school doesn’t automatically reset their internal clock.

Begin gradually moving bedtime and wake-up time earlier. Depending on how different your child’s summer schedule has become, consider shifting bedtime and wake time by about 15–30 minutes every few days until you are close to the schedule they will need for school.

Try to keep the morning wake-up time relatively consistent as well. Sleeping until noon one day and waking at 8:00 the next makes it harder for the body to develop a predictable sleep-wake rhythm.

A calming nighttime routine can also help. Dim lights, quieter activities, reading, bathing, stretching, or listening to calming music can begin signaling to the brain that the day is ending.

2. Gradually Reduce Daytime Electronics

For many children, summer includes considerably more time on phones, tablets, video games, television, and computers.

Going from several hours of daytime electronics to suddenly having none during a six-hour school day can feel like a major adjustment.

Instead, begin decreasing recreational electronics a little each day.

As school approaches, work toward having little or no recreational screen time during school-day hours. This allows children to become accustomed to finding other ways to manage boredom, entertain themselves, and tolerate periods when immediate digital stimulation isn’t available.

Evening electronics can also be gradually reduced, especially close to bedtime.

The goal doesn’t have to be eliminating technology altogether. It is helping the brain adjust from the rapid, highly stimulating environment of screens to the slower pace of activities such as listening, reading, writing, talking, and sitting in a classroom.

3. Begin Following a School-Day Schedule

A predictable routine helps children feel more secure because they know what is coming next.

During the final couple of weeks before school, begin structuring the day more like a school day.

That might include:

Waking up around the time they will wake for school
Getting dressed rather than staying in pajamas
Eating breakfast at approximately the same time
Having lunch around the time they will eat at school
Scheduling active play or movement similar to recess
Creating periods for quiet activities
Establishing a consistent evening routine
Returning to a school-year bedtime

You don’t need to recreate school at home. Summer should still feel like summer. The goal is simply to give the brain some predictable anchors throughout the day.

4. Rebuild Their “Sitting Still” Muscles

Many children spend summer moving freely from one activity to another. When school begins, they suddenly need to sit, listen, follow directions, complete assignments, and tolerate activities that may not always be their first choice.

That takes practice.

Begin introducing daily quiet time and gradually increase how long it lasts based on your child’s age and developmental level.

Quiet-time activities might include:

Reading
Coloring
Drawing
Puzzles
Legos or building activities
Journaling
Crafts
Painting
Workbooks
Audiobooks while drawing or building
Independent imaginative play

Start where your child can be successful. For a younger child, that might initially be 10–15 minutes. Older children may be able to begin with longer periods.

Gradually increasing the time helps strengthen attention, patience, frustration tolerance, and the ability to stay engaged without constant stimulation.

5. Bring Back Regular Reading

If reading hasn’t been part of your child’s summer routine, begin introducing it again before school starts.

Even 15–30 minutes of daily reading can help children get accustomed to focusing on written material again.

For children who dislike reading, let them choose the material whenever possible. Graphic novels, magazines, joke books, sports books, comics, biographies, or books about favorite interests all count.

The goal is not to turn the final weeks of summer into homework. The goal is to help the child’s brain shift back into a learning mindset.

6. Build in Daily Movement

Children aren’t designed to sit all day.

Physical activity helps with attention, emotional regulation, sleep, stress management, and overall mental health.

Try to include movement every day, particularly before asking children to engage in longer quiet activities.

This might include bike riding, swimming, walking the dog, playing at the park, dancing, sports, trampoline time, hiking, or simply playing outside.

For some children, especially those who struggle with attention or hyperactivity, movement before a quiet activity can make it significantly easier to focus afterward.

7. Start Practicing Morning Independence

School mornings can become stressful quickly when everyone is trying to get out the door.

Before school begins, practice some of the tasks your child will need to manage independently.

Depending on their age, this might include:

Getting dressed
Brushing teeth
Packing a backpack
Filling a water bottle
Putting shoes on
Remembering lunch or school supplies
Checking a simple morning checklist

The more familiar these tasks become, the less parents have to remind, rush, and negotiate once school begins.

8. Have a Daily One-on-One Check-In

One of the most valuable back-to-school routines has nothing to do with academics.

Set aside a few minutes each day for individual check-in time with each child.

Try to make this different from asking, “How was your day?” which often receives the predictable response: “Fine.”

Instead, try questions such as:

“What was the best part of today?”

“Was anything hard today?”

“What did you think about a lot today?”

“Did anything make you nervous?”

“What are you looking forward to tomorrow?”

“Is there anything you wish adults understood about your day?”

Children are more likely to share concerns when conversation is already part of the family routine rather than something that suddenly happens when a problem arises.

One-on-one time can also be particularly important in families with multiple children. Even ten uninterrupted minutes can communicate, You have my full attention. What is happening in your world matters to me.

9. Start Talking About School Before School Starts

Some children will eagerly talk about school. Others won’t.

Don’t assume a child isn’t worried simply because they aren’t talking about it.

Bring school into conversations casually.

Ask what they are looking forward to, what they think will be different, who they hope will be in their class, or whether there is anything they’re wondering about.

For younger children, visiting the school, walking past the building, looking at pictures of the classroom, or practicing the drive to school can reduce uncertainty.

For older children, talk about schedules, extracurricular activities, friendships, workload, transportation, and expectations.

Whenever possible, replace unknowns with information. Predictability can significantly reduce anxiety.

10. Avoid Overscheduling the First Few Weeks

Parents are often eager to restart sports, clubs, lessons, activities, and social commitments when school begins.

Remember that returning to school is already a major transition.

Children may be mentally exhausted during the first few weeks, even when they enjoy school.

Whenever possible, leave some breathing room in the family schedule. Protect downtime after school and avoid interpreting temporary irritability or tiredness as misbehavior.

Some children hold themselves together all day and release their emotions once they return to the place where they feel safest.

11. Create a Calm After-School Routine

Instead of immediately asking about homework, grades, or missing assignments, consider giving children a short decompression period after school.

They may need a snack, movement, quiet time, conversation, or simply time alone.

Some children want to tell you everything that happened the moment they walk through the door. Others need 30 minutes before they’re ready to talk.

Pay attention to what works for your child.

12. Talk About Worries Without Trying to Talk Them Out of Them

If your child says, “I’m scared about school,” it can be tempting to respond:

“There’s nothing to worry about.”

We usually say this because we want children to feel better. But to an anxious child, it may sound like, You shouldn’t feel this way.

Instead, acknowledge the feeling while communicating confidence.

You might say:

“It makes sense to feel nervous when you don’t know exactly what school will be like yet. We’ll figure it out together.”

Children don’t necessarily need parents to remove every uncomfortable feeling. They need to learn that uncomfortable feelings can be experienced, talked about, and managed.

13. Watch for Signs That Back-to-School Anxiety May Need Additional Support

Some nervousness before school is completely normal.

Consider reaching out to a school counselor, pediatrician, or mental health professional if anxiety begins significantly interfering with your child’s daily life.

Possible signs include:

Frequent stomachaches or headaches without an identified medical cause
Difficulty sleeping
Panic symptoms
Intense emotional outbursts
Persistent sadness or irritability
Refusing to attend school
Excessive reassurance seeking
Significant changes in appetite
Withdrawal from friends or activities
Repeated statements that something bad will happen at school

Early support can prevent anxiety from becoming more entrenched.

Progress, Not Perfection

Preparing children for the return to school doesn’t require turning August into a miniature school semester.

Think of it as gradually helping the brain change gears.

Move bedtime a little earlier. Reduce screens a little each day. Bring back predictable routines. Practice quiet activities. Encourage movement. Create opportunities for independence. And perhaps most importantly, make time every day to ask your child how they’re doing—and really listen to the answer.

Children don’t need to arrive at school perfectly prepared.

They need routines that help their bodies adjust, opportunities to practice skills they haven’t used as much over the summer, and the reassurance that the adults in their lives are available when the transition feels difficult.

A little preparation now can make those first weeks of school feel much more manageable—for children and their parents.

Love Your Children More Than You Hate Your Ex –

The Harmful Effects of Contentious Divorced Parents and the Benefits of Positive Co-Parenting Relationships

Divorce is a challenging process for families, often resulting in significant emotional upheaval for both parents and children. While the dissolution of a marriage can provide relief from a toxic or unhealthy partnership, the way parents handle their relationship post-divorce profoundly impacts their children’s well-being. Contentious interactions between divorced parents can lead to lasting negative effects on children, while positive co-parenting relationships can foster resilience and healthy development.

In this post, we’ll explore the harmful effects of high-conflict parental relationships, the benefits of positive co-parenting, and strategies for building a healthier dynamic.

The Harmful Effects of Contentious Divorced Parents

Divorce itself does not doom children to poor outcomes; rather, it is the exposure to chronic conflict between parents that poses significant risks to their emotional and psychological health. High-conflict divorces—characterized by persistent arguments, insults, and lack of cooperation—create an environment of stress and instability for children. Here are some key effects:

1. Emotional and Behavioral Issues

Children exposed to ongoing parental conflict are at greater risk for developing anxiety, depression, and behavioral problems. Research has shown that witnessing parental disputes can alter children’s stress responses, leading to increased cortisol levels and heightened emotional reactivity. Over time, this stress can manifest as defiance, aggression, or withdrawal.

For example, a study published in Psychology Today highlights that children in high-conflict environments are more likely to experience long-term mental health issues, including difficulties in forming relationships and managing their emotions.

2. Communication Difficulties

Post-divorce, children often find themselves caught in the middle of parental disputes. This dynamic can strain parent-child relationships, particularly between the non-custodial parent and their children. Research from Transitions Legal notes that daughters of divorced parents, for example, may struggle with communication, especially with their fathers. These difficulties can extend into adulthood, affecting romantic and professional relationships.

3. Risky Behaviors and Long-Term Instability

Children of divorced parents in contentious relationships are more likely to engage in risky behaviors such as substance abuse, early sexual activity, and academic disengagement. Additionally, studies published on PubMed Central indicate that these children are at higher risk of living in poverty, experiencing family instability, and struggling with adult relationships.

The Benefits of Positive Co-Parenting Relationships

In contrast to high-conflict divorces, positive co-parenting relationships can significantly mitigate the negative effects of divorce and foster a supportive environment for children. Co-parenting involves both parents working collaboratively to prioritize their child’s well-being, regardless of personal differences.

1. Enhanced Emotional and Psychological Well-Being

When parents maintain a cooperative relationship, children are less likely to experience the stress and anxiety associated with parental conflict. Positive co-parenting allows children to feel loved and supported by both parents, fostering resilience and emotional security. According to research highlighted on Lovevery, children whose parents communicate effectively after separation fare better in terms of mental health, social skills, and academic performance.

2. Stability and Security

Children thrive in predictable and stable environments. Co-parenting arrangements that prioritize consistency—such as shared routines, rules, and expectations—provide children with a sense of security. This stability is crucial for their development, helping them feel grounded even as their family dynamics shift.

3. Positive Role Modeling

Effective co-parenting demonstrates healthy conflict resolution and collaboration to children, serving as a positive model for their own future relationships. Studies summarized on Wikipedia indicate that children with actively involved parents are more likely to exhibit higher self-esteem and lower levels of behavioral problems.

Strategies for Building a Positive Co-Parenting Relationship

Cultivating a positive co-parenting relationship is not always easy, especially when emotions are raw. However, the effort pays off significantly in terms of the child’s well-being. Here are some strategies:

1. Maintain Open and Respectful Communication

Effective co-parenting begins with clear, respectful, and consistent communication. Parents should focus on discussing issues related to their child’s needs, schedules, and well-being while avoiding personal conflicts. Co-parenting apps, such as OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents, can facilitate communication and reduce misunderstandings.

2. Establish Consistent Rules and Routines

Children benefit from consistency, especially during times of upheaval. Parents should work together to establish similar rules, expectations, and routines across households. This predictability helps children feel secure and reduces confusion or manipulation.

3. Focus on the Child’s Best Interests

It’s essential to prioritize the child’s needs above personal grievances. Parents should make decisions based on what is best for their child’s physical, emotional, and social well-being rather than using the child as a pawn in conflicts.

4. Seek Professional Support

Family therapists and mediators can help parents navigate challenging dynamics and develop effective co-parenting strategies. Therapy can also provide children with a safe space to process their feelings and build coping mechanisms.

5. Consider Parallel Parenting in High-Conflict Cases

For parents unable to maintain direct communication, parallel parenting—a model that minimizes interaction while allowing both parents to remain involved—can be an effective alternative. This approach focuses on reducing conflict by establishing clear boundaries and separate parenting responsibilities. Parents.com offers practical tips for implementing a parallel parenting plan.

Conclusion

Divorce is undoubtedly a difficult experience, but it doesn’t have to result in long-term harm to children. The way parents handle their post-divorce relationship can make all the difference. High-conflict interactions increase the risk of emotional, behavioral, and social difficulties for children, while positive co-parenting fosters resilience, stability, and healthy development.

By committing to respectful communication, consistency, and a focus on the child’s best interests, parents can create an environment where their children can thrive, even after divorce. When direct collaboration is not possible, strategies like parallel parenting and professional mediation can help mitigate conflict and protect children from its harmful effects. In the end, the greatest gift divorced parents can give their children is a united commitment to their well-being.

Positive Parenting

Before defining positive parenting, it’s important to consider that the term “parents” encompasses a variety of individuals who play a significant role in a child’s development. Beyond biological and adoptive parents, this can include foster parents, single parents, step-parents, older siblings, and other family members or non-relatives involved in a child’s life. Therefore, when we use terms like “parent” or “caregiver,” we are referring to anyone who has a consistent relationship with and interest in the well-being of a child. Fortunately, research on parenting has shifted from focusing on risk factors to examining protective factors and promoting positive outcomes. Positive parenting is an example of this approach by emphasizing behaviors that contribute to healthy youth development. In fact, Seay and her colleagues (2014) have reviewed numerous studies and defined positive parenting as an ongoing relationship between parent(s) and child that includes nurturing, teaching, guiding, communicating, and meeting a child’s needs consistently and unconditionally.

According to the Committee of Ministers of the Council of Europe (2006), positive parenting is characterized by nurturing, empowering, and nonviolent behaviors. It also involves providing recognition and guidance while setting boundaries to support the child’s complete development (as cited in Rodrigo et al., 2012, p. 4). From these definitions and the existing literature on positive parenting, it can be inferred that positive parenting entails the following:

• It involves Guiding

• It involves Leading

• It involves Teaching

• It is Caring

• It is Empowering

• It is Nurturing

• It is Sensitive to the Child’s Needs

• It is Consistent

• It is Always Non-violent

• It provides Regular Open Communication

• It provides Affection

• It provides Emotional Security

• It provides Emotional Warmth

• It provides Unconditional Love

• It recognizes the Positive

• It respects the Child’s Developmental Stage

• It rewards Accomplishments

• It sets Boundaries

• It shows Empathy for the Child’s Feelings

• It supports the Child’s Best Interests

Godfrey (2019) suggests that the key belief of positive parenting is that every child is inherently good and has an innate desire to do what is right (positiveparenting.com). This approach also aims to use disciplinary techniques that nurture a child’s self-worth and foster a respectful relationship between parent and child, without crushing the child’s spirit (Godfrey, 2019). These authors paint positive parenting as a nurturing and affectionate method, but not one that allows for permissiveness.

Numerous studies have demonstrated the positive effects of parenting on a child’s development, both in the short and long term. The Positive Parenting Research Team (PPRT) at the University of Southern Mississippi, led by Nicholson in 2019, has focused on investigating how positive parenting practices can shape a child’s outcomes. Ultimately, their goal is to encourage families to engage in positive parenting behaviors.

In their longitudinal study spanning seven years, Pettit, Bates, and Dodge (1997) analyzed the effects of supportive parenting on pre-kindergartners. Supportive parenting was defined as displaying warmth and care towards one’s child, actively teaching and guiding them, using inductive discipline techniques, and being positively involved in their lives. The researchers compared this approach to less supportive parenting styles, which were found to lead to more positive school adjustment and fewer behavior problems for children by the time they reached sixth grade. Additionally, supportive parenting served as a buffer against negative factors within the family (such as low socioeconomic status, familial stress, and single parenthood), reducing the likelihood of children developing behavioral issues later on (Pettit et al., 2006).

Through their studies at the Gottman Institute, researchers also looked into the effects of positive parenting. They created a 5-step program called ’emotion coaching’ with the goal of promoting children’s self-assurance and encouraging healthy intellectual and psychosocial development.

Gottman’s five steps for parents include: 1. awareness of emotions; 2. connecting with your child; 3. listening to your child; 4. naming emotions; and 5. finding solutions (Gottman, 2019).

Research consistently shows that positive parenting has a significant impact on the healthy development of children. This influence is long-lasting and extends far beyond childhood. Positive parenting can be viewed as a source of resilience for children, even those who may have faced initial disadvantages. By providing a nurturing and supportive environment, positive parenting equips children with the emotional strength to face challenges. As a result, positive parenting helps to minimize gaps in health and opportunities for all children. With such overwhelming evidence, it’s no wonder that every parent would want to learn how to implement positive parenting strategies and give their child the best chance at a happy and fulfilling life.

Many people associate the word ‘discipline’ with punishment and negativity. However, according to Merriam-Webster (2019), discipline means “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character.” This definition serves as a reminder that as parents, we are not just disciplinarians, but also teachers. Our goal is to respectfully guide our children towards making positive choices and reinforce good behaviors. Positive discipline aligns with authoritative parenting, as it should be administered with a firm yet loving approach. It is important to note that positive discipline does not involve violence, aggression, or criticism; it is not meant to be punitive. Research has shown that physical punishment such as spanking is ineffective in changing long-term behavior and can have negative consequences on children (Gershoff, 2013).

Positive discipline aims to educate and train, rather than inflict pain or harm (Kersey, 2006, p. 1). According to Nelsen (2006), a sense of belonging is a fundamental need for all individuals, and this cannot be achieved through punishment. In fact, she outlines the four harmful effects of punishment on children (“the four R’s”), including resentment towards parents, seeking revenge, rebellion against authority, and withdrawal and loss of self-esteem (Nelsen, 2006).

In her informative and practical guide for parents, Positive Discipline (Nelsen, 2006) highlights several crucial components of positive discipline: non-violence, respect, and alignment with developmental principles; instilling self-respect, empathy, and self-efficacy in children; and nurturing a strong and positive relationship between parent and child. In other words, “by showing respect towards children, we are teaching them that every person, no matter their size, power or vulnerability, deserves to be treated with respect – a lesson that our world desperately needs” (LR Knost, lovelivegrow.com).

Considering that positive discipline does not involve punishment, we must ask ourselves, “What does it actually entail?” This question is especially pressing for parents who feel like their child is actively trying to drive them insane. We will cover some common frustrations parents face in this article, but for a more thorough understanding, Kersey’s (2006) “101 Positive Principles of Discipline” is an excellent resource. Here are her top ten principles:

Demonstrate Respect Principle: Treat the child in the same respectful way you would like to be treated.

2. Make a Big Deal Principle: Use positive reinforcement in meaningful ways for desired behaviors. Reward such behaviors with praise, affection, appreciation, privileges, etc.

3. Incompatible Alternative Principle: Provide the child with a behavior to substitute for the undesirable one, such as playing a game rather than watching tv.

4. Choice Principle: Provide the child with two choices for positive behaviors so that he/she feels a sense of empowerment. For example, you might say “would you rather take your bath before or after your brush your teeth?”

5. When/Then – Abuse it/Lose it Principle: Ensure that rewards are lost when rules are broken. For example, you might say “After you clean your room, you can play outside” (which means that a child who does not clean his/her room, will not get to play outside. Period.)

6. Connect Before You Correct Principle: Ensure that the child feels loved and cared for before behavioral problems are attended to.

7. Validation Principle: Validate the child’s feelings. For example, you might say “I know you are sad about losing your sleepover tonight and I understand”.

8. Good Head on Your Shoulders Principle: Ensure that the child hears the equivalent of “you have a good head on your shoulders” in order to feel capable, empowered and responsible for his/her choices. This is especially important for teenagers.

9. Belonging and Significance Principle: Ensure that your child feels important and as if he/she belongs. For example, remind your child that he/she is really good at helping in the kitchen and that the family needs this help in order to have dinner.

10.Timer Says it’s Time Principle: Set a timer to help children make transitions. This helps kids to know what’s expected of them and may also involve giving them a choice in terms of the amount of time. For example, you might say “Do you need 15 or 20 minutes to get dressed?” Make sure to let the child know that the time is set.

With the abundance of positive parenting options and helpful resources at hand, parents can confidently embrace their role as educators, mentors, and positive influences for their children. By consistently implementing these strategies, parents can establish a strong and lasting bond with their children that will endure throughout their lives.