mental health – A New Tomorrow Therapy

Internet Memes Are Destroying Family Dreams: How Our Online Habits Are Hurting Real Relationships

In a world where humor often travels faster than empathy, memes have become one of the most common ways people express frustration, identity, and belonging. They can be clever, relatable, and sometimes downright therapeutic.

But there’s a growing shadow side many families and friend groups are facing: memes that target someone’s identity, culture, race, political affiliation, gender, or personal experience can land like personal attacks, even when the poster never intended them that way.

And when communication gets replaced by quips, jabs, or “just kidding” humor on social media, the relationships behind the screen begin to erode.

As mental health providers, we’re seeing more conflict, more estrangement, and more hurt stemming not from in-person conversations—but from the posts people share.

Let’s talk about why this is happening, what the brain has to do with it, and how we can create healthier online habits without losing our sense of humor.

Memes Feel Harmless—But They Often Hit Personal Nerves

A meme that generalizes a group (“People like X are all Y”) may feel like a joke to the person posting it. But to someone who identifies with the group being referenced, the message can feel like:

A judgment
A dismissal of their lived experience
A stereotype applied directly to them
Evidence that a loved one sees them through a biased or simplified lens

When someone’s identity is the punchline, it doesn’t matter that the meme wasn’t “about them personally”—it is personal.

Humor is powerful, but it can also be a socially acceptable container for hostility, fear, or superiority. Memes can spread those feelings rapidly because they are short, emotionally charged, and highly shareable.

Why We Post Without Thinking: The Brain Science

Scrolling, sharing, and refreshing give the brain tiny hits of dopamine—the reward chemical that reinforces behaviors.

When we post something and get a response (likes, comments, or even debate), the brain interprets that as:

✔ Connection

✔ Validation

✔ Belonging

Even if the connection is superficial or conflict-based, the dopamine loop keeps us coming back. Over time, this can resemble an addictive pattern:

Quick emotional payoff
Minimal effort
Increasing need for stimulation
Decreased tolerance for slower, richer, face-to-face connection

The more we engage in high-speed, emotionally charged posting, the harder it becomes to pause, reflect, and consider the relational impact.

Trading Real Relationships for Online Reactions

Memes are fast. Relationships are slow. But the fast path can start replacing the meaningful one.

We see this pattern often:

Someone posts a meme that aligns with their belief or frustration.
A loved one feels targeted or stereotyped.
Instead of a conversation, both parties retreat to their corners—or to the internet—seeking validation.
Relationship cracks form and widen.

Over time, a family can lose connection not because of major betrayal, but because of a steady stream of “small jabs” shared publicly.

We’re trading:

Understanding for assumptions
Dialogue for defensiveness
Connection for quick hits of digital approval

And the long-term cost is often more damaging than people realize.

Before You Post: A Pause Practice

You don’t need to stop using humor, sharing your beliefs, or enjoying the internet. But we can all benefit from a mindful pause before hitting “share.”

Here are a few simple questions that can preserve relationships:

1. “Who might see themselves in this meme—and how will it land for them?”

If it generalizes a group of people, especially one someone you love belongs to, consider the relational impact.

2. “Am I posting this to connect, or am I posting this to vent?”

Venting online often feels empowering in the moment but increases long-term conflict.

3. “Will this deepen or damage connection with the people I care about?”

Humor should bring people together—not push them apart.

4. “Is there a conversation I should be having with a real person instead of the internet?”

Memes can become a substitute for communication. Choose conversation over confrontation-by-proxy.

5. “Does this reflect the values I want to model?”

Especially for parents, caregivers, and leaders.

Building Healthier Digital Habits

While each person’s digital wellness plan is unique, here are some universal approaches:

Slow down the scroll. Even a 1–2 second pause changes the brain’s impulsive response pattern.
Set limits on high-conflict content. Curate feeds with intention, not habit.
Share memes that uplift rather than divide. Humor can heal when used thoughtfully.
Strengthen offline connections. Compliments, check-ins, and real conversations support resilience against digital conflict.
Name what’s happening. Families can talk openly about how memes impact them—this normalizes boundaries.

Digital behavior is still behavior. And behavior can be changed.

Final Thoughts: Humor Shouldn’t Hurt the People You Love

Memes and online content can be a source of joy, connection, and community. But when we use them to express anger, division, or superiority, relationships become collateral damage.

What we share online matters—because people matter.

Slowing down, practicing mindfulness before posting, and understanding the brain science behind our digital habits can help us protect the relationships we care about most.

If your family or relationships are struggling with online conflict, a mental health provider can help guide conversations, explore patterns, and rebuild trust.

From Awareness To Action: Mental Health Begins With Us

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and this year’s theme—“Turn Awareness Into Action”—challenges each of us to go beyond conversations and take real steps toward a mentally healthier world.

At A New Tomorrow Therapy, we know that awareness is powerful, but action is transformative. We’ve made great progress in breaking down stigma and opening up the dialogue around mental health. But knowing about mental health challenges isn’t enough—now is the time to act with purpose, compassion, and urgency.

Why Action Matters Now

One in five adults in the U.S. experiences a mental health condition each year. And yet, millions still go without the care and support they need. Awareness alone doesn’t change that—but action does.

Turning awareness into action means:

Checking in on friends who’ve gone quiet.
Advocating for mental health policies in schools and workplaces.
Supporting services that increase access to care.
Prioritizing your own mental well-being without apology.

It means we stop waiting for change and start becoming it.

What We’re Doing This Month

What You Can Do

You don’t have to be a therapist or activist to make a difference. Here are 5 small but powerful ways to take action this month:

Speak up. Share your story or talk openly about mental health with others.
Show up. Attend an event, join a support group, or volunteer your time.
Support services. Donate to organizations doing the work, or help someone find care.
Learn more. Take time to educate yourself about mental health conditions and resources.
Take care. Treat your own mental health with the same seriousness as physical health.

This Is Our Moment

We have the knowledge. We have the tools. And now, we have the responsibility to turn that awareness into action. Whether you’re lighting the path for others or seeking your own healing journey, your steps matter.

Mental health is not just a personal issue—it’s a community one. And it starts with each of us choosing to act.

With hope and determination,
A New Tomorrow Therapy

Staying Sane in the Chaos: A Five-Step Plan for Clarity and Action

Life can often feel overwhelming, especially in a world where information is constantly bombarding us from all directions. This feeling of paralysis in the face of chaos is not just a modern phenomenon but a well-documented psychological response to overwhelming stimuli (LeDoux, 2015). Law enforcement and military professionals are trained to leverage controlled chaos as a tactic, using loud commands, distractions, and noise to disrupt a target’s ability to think clearly and force compliance (Grossman, 2008). However, in our daily lives, we often experience a similar form of mental paralysis when we are confronted with too much information at once. To combat this, I have developed a personal approach that I call my “Sane in the Chaos” plan. This five-step process helps to regain control and focus in an overwhelming world.

Step 1: Make a List

The first step in staying sane amidst the chaos is to make a list of all the topics, events, and demands that are currently overwhelming you. This could include personal obligations, work-related pressures, current news events, or social responsibilities. The goal here is to externalize what is occupying your mental space, allowing you to see everything clearly rather than letting it remain a nebulous source of anxiety (Baumeister & Tierney, 2011). Writing things down can provide clarity and reduce the cognitive load, making it easier to process information effectively.

Step 2: Rank the List by Importance

Once you have your list, the next step is to rank the items in order of importance based on what truly matters to you. This is crucial because not all information holds equal weight, and attempting to absorb and act on everything simultaneously is impossible. Prioritization allows you to focus on the most meaningful aspects of your life and filter out distractions (Covey, 1989). By determining what is most important, you create a roadmap for where to direct your energy and attention.

Step 3: Filter and Focus

With your priorities clearly defined, the next step is to filter the information you consume. Focus only on the top one or two priorities from your ranked list and seek out reliable sources that provide insights into those specific topics. This approach helps to mitigate information overload and ensures that your cognitive resources are being used efficiently (Newport, 2016). Whether it’s limiting social media engagement, subscribing only to essential newsletters, or engaging in conversations that align with your focus, curating your informational intake will make a significant difference in maintaining clarity.

Step 4: Take Action, No Matter How Small

The next step is to take action. Even small actions can create a ripple effect, contributing to positive change in ways that you may not directly witness. Psychological research suggests that taking action, no matter how minor, counteracts feelings of helplessness and builds a sense of agency (Seligman, 2011). Whether it’s making a phone call, signing a petition, supporting a cause, or simply having a meaningful conversation, each action contributes to a greater impact.

Step 5: Find a Positive

In the midst of chaos, it is essential to find something positive to hold onto. For me, that means embracing the spirit of Wonder Woman. My home office is adorned with Wonder Woman memorabilia, serving as a reminder of the power of universal kindness. Her creator, psychologist William Moulton Marston, integrated his research on human behavior into her character’s ideologies, emphasizing the importance of empathy, strength, and justice (Lepore, 2014). To bring this principle into my daily life, I identify a “Wonder Woman of the Week”—a woman making a positive difference in the world—and, when possible, I send a note of appreciation. This small act of gratitude helps shift my focus from chaos to hope.

Conclusion

If everyone were to practice these five principles in the spirit of universal kindness, we could all better manage the intentional chaos that surrounds us. By making a list, prioritizing, filtering information, taking action, and finding something positive, we can regain control and create meaningful change in our lives and the world around us. In times of turbulence, clarity and kindness can serve as powerful antidotes to the confusion that others may try to create.

References

Baumeister, R. F., & Tierney, J. (2011). Willpower: Rediscovering the greatest human strength. Penguin.

Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people: Powerful lessons in personal change. Free Press.

Grossman, D. (2008). On combat: The psychology and physiology of deadly conflict in war and in peace. Warrior Science Publications.

LeDoux, J. (2015). Anxious: Using the brain to understand and treat fear and anxiety. Viking.

Lepore, J. (2014). The secret history of Wonder Woman. Knopf.

Newport, C. (2016). Deep work: Rules for focused success in a distracted world. Grand Central Publishing. Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press.

Love Your Children More Than You Hate Your Ex –

The Harmful Effects of Contentious Divorced Parents and the Benefits of Positive Co-Parenting Relationships

Divorce is a challenging process for families, often resulting in significant emotional upheaval for both parents and children. While the dissolution of a marriage can provide relief from a toxic or unhealthy partnership, the way parents handle their relationship post-divorce profoundly impacts their children’s well-being. Contentious interactions between divorced parents can lead to lasting negative effects on children, while positive co-parenting relationships can foster resilience and healthy development.

In this post, we’ll explore the harmful effects of high-conflict parental relationships, the benefits of positive co-parenting, and strategies for building a healthier dynamic.

The Harmful Effects of Contentious Divorced Parents

Divorce itself does not doom children to poor outcomes; rather, it is the exposure to chronic conflict between parents that poses significant risks to their emotional and psychological health. High-conflict divorces—characterized by persistent arguments, insults, and lack of cooperation—create an environment of stress and instability for children. Here are some key effects:

1. Emotional and Behavioral Issues

Children exposed to ongoing parental conflict are at greater risk for developing anxiety, depression, and behavioral problems. Research has shown that witnessing parental disputes can alter children’s stress responses, leading to increased cortisol levels and heightened emotional reactivity. Over time, this stress can manifest as defiance, aggression, or withdrawal.

For example, a study published in Psychology Today highlights that children in high-conflict environments are more likely to experience long-term mental health issues, including difficulties in forming relationships and managing their emotions.

2. Communication Difficulties

Post-divorce, children often find themselves caught in the middle of parental disputes. This dynamic can strain parent-child relationships, particularly between the non-custodial parent and their children. Research from Transitions Legal notes that daughters of divorced parents, for example, may struggle with communication, especially with their fathers. These difficulties can extend into adulthood, affecting romantic and professional relationships.

3. Risky Behaviors and Long-Term Instability

Children of divorced parents in contentious relationships are more likely to engage in risky behaviors such as substance abuse, early sexual activity, and academic disengagement. Additionally, studies published on PubMed Central indicate that these children are at higher risk of living in poverty, experiencing family instability, and struggling with adult relationships.

The Benefits of Positive Co-Parenting Relationships

In contrast to high-conflict divorces, positive co-parenting relationships can significantly mitigate the negative effects of divorce and foster a supportive environment for children. Co-parenting involves both parents working collaboratively to prioritize their child’s well-being, regardless of personal differences.

1. Enhanced Emotional and Psychological Well-Being

When parents maintain a cooperative relationship, children are less likely to experience the stress and anxiety associated with parental conflict. Positive co-parenting allows children to feel loved and supported by both parents, fostering resilience and emotional security. According to research highlighted on Lovevery, children whose parents communicate effectively after separation fare better in terms of mental health, social skills, and academic performance.

2. Stability and Security

Children thrive in predictable and stable environments. Co-parenting arrangements that prioritize consistency—such as shared routines, rules, and expectations—provide children with a sense of security. This stability is crucial for their development, helping them feel grounded even as their family dynamics shift.

3. Positive Role Modeling

Effective co-parenting demonstrates healthy conflict resolution and collaboration to children, serving as a positive model for their own future relationships. Studies summarized on Wikipedia indicate that children with actively involved parents are more likely to exhibit higher self-esteem and lower levels of behavioral problems.

Strategies for Building a Positive Co-Parenting Relationship

Cultivating a positive co-parenting relationship is not always easy, especially when emotions are raw. However, the effort pays off significantly in terms of the child’s well-being. Here are some strategies:

1. Maintain Open and Respectful Communication

Effective co-parenting begins with clear, respectful, and consistent communication. Parents should focus on discussing issues related to their child’s needs, schedules, and well-being while avoiding personal conflicts. Co-parenting apps, such as OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents, can facilitate communication and reduce misunderstandings.

2. Establish Consistent Rules and Routines

Children benefit from consistency, especially during times of upheaval. Parents should work together to establish similar rules, expectations, and routines across households. This predictability helps children feel secure and reduces confusion or manipulation.

3. Focus on the Child’s Best Interests

It’s essential to prioritize the child’s needs above personal grievances. Parents should make decisions based on what is best for their child’s physical, emotional, and social well-being rather than using the child as a pawn in conflicts.

4. Seek Professional Support

Family therapists and mediators can help parents navigate challenging dynamics and develop effective co-parenting strategies. Therapy can also provide children with a safe space to process their feelings and build coping mechanisms.

5. Consider Parallel Parenting in High-Conflict Cases

For parents unable to maintain direct communication, parallel parenting—a model that minimizes interaction while allowing both parents to remain involved—can be an effective alternative. This approach focuses on reducing conflict by establishing clear boundaries and separate parenting responsibilities. Parents.com offers practical tips for implementing a parallel parenting plan.

Conclusion

Divorce is undoubtedly a difficult experience, but it doesn’t have to result in long-term harm to children. The way parents handle their post-divorce relationship can make all the difference. High-conflict interactions increase the risk of emotional, behavioral, and social difficulties for children, while positive co-parenting fosters resilience, stability, and healthy development.

By committing to respectful communication, consistency, and a focus on the child’s best interests, parents can create an environment where their children can thrive, even after divorce. When direct collaboration is not possible, strategies like parallel parenting and professional mediation can help mitigate conflict and protect children from its harmful effects. In the end, the greatest gift divorced parents can give their children is a united commitment to their well-being.

The Prevalence of Misinformation on Social Media and TikTok About Mental Health

In recent years, social media has become a primary source of information and community support for many people seeking to understand and address their mental health. TikTok, in particular, has gained popularity as a platform where users can share personal experiences, advice, and educational content on mental health topics. However, this surge in content also brings a troubling rise in misinformation.

Misinformation can significantly distort public understanding of mental health issues, leading to negative consequences for individuals who rely on this content to make decisions about their well-being. The rapid spread of misinformation on social media can perpetuate harmful myths, encourage self-diagnosis without professional guidance, and stigmatize certain mental health conditions.

For instance, certain trends on TikTok promote the idea that certain behaviors or feelings are definitive signs of mental health disorders, without acknowledging that diagnosis requires a comprehensive assessment by a qualified professional. This can lead to both over-diagnosis, where individuals mistakenly believe they have a particular disorder, and under-diagnosis, where legitimate symptoms are overlooked because they don’t match what’s popularized online.

Over-Simplification of Complex Disorders: TikTok is full of bite-sized videos that attempt to explain mental health concepts. Unfortunately, mental health is complex and cannot be adequately covered in a short clip. These simplified explanations often lead to misunderstanding, such as assuming that ADHD is only about being hyperactive or that depression is simply about feeling sad.
Self-Diagnosis and Trend-Based Diagnoses: Hashtags like #MentalHealthTikTok have contributed to an increase in self-diagnosis among viewers. People often use these tags to discuss their symptoms, which may lead others to identify with them and assume they have the same disorder. This trend-based diagnosis is particularly problematic because it lacks professional evaluation and may delay proper treatment.
Misleading or Harmful Advice: While some creators genuinely want to help, others may share unverified methods for coping or “curing” mental health issues. For example, suggesting herbal remedies or lifestyle changes as an alternative to professional treatment can be dangerous. This type of content often disregards the necessity of clinical intervention for severe mental health conditions.
Stigmatization and Romanticization: In some cases, TikTok videos can unintentionally romanticize certain mental health conditions. Trends that depict eating disorders or self-harm can make these issues appear glamorous or desirable, particularly to impressionable audiences. This romanticization not only diminishes the gravity of these conditions but also encourages unhealthy behaviors.

The TikTok algorithm prioritizes content that garners high engagement, such as likes, shares, and comments, which can lead to the rapid spread of both accurate and inaccurate information. Additionally, content creators may prioritize engagement over accuracy, especially if they are not professionally trained in mental health. This emphasis on popularity over credibility fosters an environment where misinformation can thrive.

Furthermore, mental health topics are inherently personal and subjective, and everyone has unique experiences. When individuals share their stories, they may unintentionally misinform others about what it means to live with a mental health condition.

To combat the spread of misinformation on social media, several steps can be taken by both content creators and viewers:

Encourage Professional Sources: Content creators should refer to reputable sources like the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), American Psychological Association (APA), or certified mental health professionals. This can help ensure that viewers are getting accurate, research-based information.
Incorporate Disclaimers: Creators should include disclaimers that their content is not a substitute for professional advice. This reminds viewers to seek appropriate resources for diagnosis and treatment.
Promote Media Literacy: Social media platforms can implement media literacy programs that educate users on how to critically assess the content they consume. This could include recognizing credible sources, identifying red flags for misinformation, and understanding the importance of professional evaluation for mental health concerns.
Fact-Checking and Moderation: TikTok and other social media platforms can strengthen their moderation policies to flag or remove misleading content about mental health. Collaboration with mental health professionals to fact-check trending information could also be beneficial.
Supporting Accurate Content: As users, we can help combat misinformation by promoting and engaging with content that provides accurate, evidence-based information. By consciously supporting reliable sources, we can help foster a more accurate and supportive mental health conversation on social media.

While social media, including TikTok, offers valuable opportunities for mental health awareness and community, it also carries the risk of spreading misinformation. By staying informed and approaching content critically, users can protect themselves from misinformation and advocate for a more accurate and supportive online space. Mental health is a serious topic that requires sensitivity, professionalism, and a commitment to truth—elements that should be at the forefront of any mental health conversation on social media.

Monkey Bars

As a child on the playground, I always loved playing on the monkey bars. The feeling of swinging from one rung to the next with ease and agility was exhilarating. Recently, while talking with a client, I realized that life is like swinging across monkey bars – each rung representing a different milestone or goal we are striving for. And just as in the playground, there are moments when we successfully swing from one rung to the next without any troubles, feeling confident and capable. But there are also times when we slip, our grasp loosens, and we find ourselves hanging precariously in mid-air.

We start off with both hands gripping tightly onto the first bar, unsure of how to reach the next one that seems so far away. We may kick our legs or swing back and forth to gather enough momentum to propel us forward. If we’re lucky, there may be an older child on the playground who can show us how it’s done, and our parents are there to catch us if we fall, providing us with a sense of safety and support. They stand by us, encouraging our successes and cheering us on.

The scariest part is counterintuitive – to move forward, we must let go and trust ourselves to grab onto the next rung. One hand reaching back for stability while the other reaches forward towards progress. It can feel like we’re stuck in one spot, swinging back and forth until we finally let go of the past and reach for what’s ahead. Sometimes it takes a few tries before we finally get a firm grip on the next rung.

It’s true that in order to move forward in life, we must let go of the things holding us back – negative beliefs, unhelpful thoughts, past hurts and wounds. But often, the fear of letting go is paralyzing. Perhaps you didn’t have someone there to help guide you through this journey across the monkey bars. Maybe you felt alone on the playground, struggling to find your way.

But here’s the thing – we are all born with the innate ability to successfully make it across that horizontal ladder. The path may look different for each of us, some may seem more graceful while others struggle and fall often before reaching their goal. But we must remember that we are not alone. Along the way, we will encounter helpers – friends, partners, therapists, coaches, and others who can support us, teach us new techniques, and pick us up when we fall. None of us can make it across alone.

So don’t be afraid to let go in order to move forward. Release those bars behind you, they served their purpose for a time but now they’re holding you back from reaching your end goal. Seek out help and guidance along the way and trust in yourself to grab onto the next bar.

You can do it – let go and swing towards progress with confidence and determination.

Positive Parenting

Before defining positive parenting, it’s important to consider that the term “parents” encompasses a variety of individuals who play a significant role in a child’s development. Beyond biological and adoptive parents, this can include foster parents, single parents, step-parents, older siblings, and other family members or non-relatives involved in a child’s life. Therefore, when we use terms like “parent” or “caregiver,” we are referring to anyone who has a consistent relationship with and interest in the well-being of a child. Fortunately, research on parenting has shifted from focusing on risk factors to examining protective factors and promoting positive outcomes. Positive parenting is an example of this approach by emphasizing behaviors that contribute to healthy youth development. In fact, Seay and her colleagues (2014) have reviewed numerous studies and defined positive parenting as an ongoing relationship between parent(s) and child that includes nurturing, teaching, guiding, communicating, and meeting a child’s needs consistently and unconditionally.

According to the Committee of Ministers of the Council of Europe (2006), positive parenting is characterized by nurturing, empowering, and nonviolent behaviors. It also involves providing recognition and guidance while setting boundaries to support the child’s complete development (as cited in Rodrigo et al., 2012, p. 4). From these definitions and the existing literature on positive parenting, it can be inferred that positive parenting entails the following:

• It involves Guiding

• It involves Leading

• It involves Teaching

• It is Caring

• It is Empowering

• It is Nurturing

• It is Sensitive to the Child’s Needs

• It is Consistent

• It is Always Non-violent

• It provides Regular Open Communication

• It provides Affection

• It provides Emotional Security

• It provides Emotional Warmth

• It provides Unconditional Love

• It recognizes the Positive

• It respects the Child’s Developmental Stage

• It rewards Accomplishments

• It sets Boundaries

• It shows Empathy for the Child’s Feelings

• It supports the Child’s Best Interests

Godfrey (2019) suggests that the key belief of positive parenting is that every child is inherently good and has an innate desire to do what is right (positiveparenting.com). This approach also aims to use disciplinary techniques that nurture a child’s self-worth and foster a respectful relationship between parent and child, without crushing the child’s spirit (Godfrey, 2019). These authors paint positive parenting as a nurturing and affectionate method, but not one that allows for permissiveness.

Numerous studies have demonstrated the positive effects of parenting on a child’s development, both in the short and long term. The Positive Parenting Research Team (PPRT) at the University of Southern Mississippi, led by Nicholson in 2019, has focused on investigating how positive parenting practices can shape a child’s outcomes. Ultimately, their goal is to encourage families to engage in positive parenting behaviors.

In their longitudinal study spanning seven years, Pettit, Bates, and Dodge (1997) analyzed the effects of supportive parenting on pre-kindergartners. Supportive parenting was defined as displaying warmth and care towards one’s child, actively teaching and guiding them, using inductive discipline techniques, and being positively involved in their lives. The researchers compared this approach to less supportive parenting styles, which were found to lead to more positive school adjustment and fewer behavior problems for children by the time they reached sixth grade. Additionally, supportive parenting served as a buffer against negative factors within the family (such as low socioeconomic status, familial stress, and single parenthood), reducing the likelihood of children developing behavioral issues later on (Pettit et al., 2006).

Through their studies at the Gottman Institute, researchers also looked into the effects of positive parenting. They created a 5-step program called ’emotion coaching’ with the goal of promoting children’s self-assurance and encouraging healthy intellectual and psychosocial development.

Gottman’s five steps for parents include: 1. awareness of emotions; 2. connecting with your child; 3. listening to your child; 4. naming emotions; and 5. finding solutions (Gottman, 2019).

Research consistently shows that positive parenting has a significant impact on the healthy development of children. This influence is long-lasting and extends far beyond childhood. Positive parenting can be viewed as a source of resilience for children, even those who may have faced initial disadvantages. By providing a nurturing and supportive environment, positive parenting equips children with the emotional strength to face challenges. As a result, positive parenting helps to minimize gaps in health and opportunities for all children. With such overwhelming evidence, it’s no wonder that every parent would want to learn how to implement positive parenting strategies and give their child the best chance at a happy and fulfilling life.

Many people associate the word ‘discipline’ with punishment and negativity. However, according to Merriam-Webster (2019), discipline means “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character.” This definition serves as a reminder that as parents, we are not just disciplinarians, but also teachers. Our goal is to respectfully guide our children towards making positive choices and reinforce good behaviors. Positive discipline aligns with authoritative parenting, as it should be administered with a firm yet loving approach. It is important to note that positive discipline does not involve violence, aggression, or criticism; it is not meant to be punitive. Research has shown that physical punishment such as spanking is ineffective in changing long-term behavior and can have negative consequences on children (Gershoff, 2013).

Positive discipline aims to educate and train, rather than inflict pain or harm (Kersey, 2006, p. 1). According to Nelsen (2006), a sense of belonging is a fundamental need for all individuals, and this cannot be achieved through punishment. In fact, she outlines the four harmful effects of punishment on children (“the four R’s”), including resentment towards parents, seeking revenge, rebellion against authority, and withdrawal and loss of self-esteem (Nelsen, 2006).

In her informative and practical guide for parents, Positive Discipline (Nelsen, 2006) highlights several crucial components of positive discipline: non-violence, respect, and alignment with developmental principles; instilling self-respect, empathy, and self-efficacy in children; and nurturing a strong and positive relationship between parent and child. In other words, “by showing respect towards children, we are teaching them that every person, no matter their size, power or vulnerability, deserves to be treated with respect – a lesson that our world desperately needs” (LR Knost, lovelivegrow.com).

Considering that positive discipline does not involve punishment, we must ask ourselves, “What does it actually entail?” This question is especially pressing for parents who feel like their child is actively trying to drive them insane. We will cover some common frustrations parents face in this article, but for a more thorough understanding, Kersey’s (2006) “101 Positive Principles of Discipline” is an excellent resource. Here are her top ten principles:

Demonstrate Respect Principle: Treat the child in the same respectful way you would like to be treated.

2. Make a Big Deal Principle: Use positive reinforcement in meaningful ways for desired behaviors. Reward such behaviors with praise, affection, appreciation, privileges, etc.

3. Incompatible Alternative Principle: Provide the child with a behavior to substitute for the undesirable one, such as playing a game rather than watching tv.

4. Choice Principle: Provide the child with two choices for positive behaviors so that he/she feels a sense of empowerment. For example, you might say “would you rather take your bath before or after your brush your teeth?”

5. When/Then – Abuse it/Lose it Principle: Ensure that rewards are lost when rules are broken. For example, you might say “After you clean your room, you can play outside” (which means that a child who does not clean his/her room, will not get to play outside. Period.)

6. Connect Before You Correct Principle: Ensure that the child feels loved and cared for before behavioral problems are attended to.

7. Validation Principle: Validate the child’s feelings. For example, you might say “I know you are sad about losing your sleepover tonight and I understand”.

8. Good Head on Your Shoulders Principle: Ensure that the child hears the equivalent of “you have a good head on your shoulders” in order to feel capable, empowered and responsible for his/her choices. This is especially important for teenagers.

9. Belonging and Significance Principle: Ensure that your child feels important and as if he/she belongs. For example, remind your child that he/she is really good at helping in the kitchen and that the family needs this help in order to have dinner.

10.Timer Says it’s Time Principle: Set a timer to help children make transitions. This helps kids to know what’s expected of them and may also involve giving them a choice in terms of the amount of time. For example, you might say “Do you need 15 or 20 minutes to get dressed?” Make sure to let the child know that the time is set.

With the abundance of positive parenting options and helpful resources at hand, parents can confidently embrace their role as educators, mentors, and positive influences for their children. By consistently implementing these strategies, parents can establish a strong and lasting bond with their children that will endure throughout their lives.

Autoimmune Disease and Mental Health

Mental health: it’s a discussion that our modern world is slowly beginning to embrace. Although there are many factors that can impact a person’s emotional balance, the interplay between mental health and autoimmune disease is a topic that should not be dismissed.

Mental health challenges are a common experience among people with autoimmune disease and other chronic illnesses. In 2013, a group of Danish researchers concluded that participants of their study were 45% more likely to develop anxiety or depression if they had an autoimmune disease.

THE EMOTIONAL TOLL

It is a common belief among patients that mental health is not given enough attention when treating autoimmune diseases. Coping with the emotional and psychological aspects of illness can be a solitary experience, making one feel isolated. People with chronic illnesses often struggle with unprocessed emotions such as worry, grief, fear, or anger. Furthermore, they may also face feelings of shame or disconnection due to their condition.

Constant anxiety and dread over changes in health, exacerbations, or deteriorating conditions.
In addition to physical symptoms, autoimmune diseases can also impact mental health and increase the risk of developing mood disorders such as anxiety and depression.
Prolonged inflammation and persistent physical discomfort can have detrimental effects. Those who suffer from chronic pain are four times as likely to also experience symptoms of depression or anxiety compared to those without pain.
Autoimmune diseases can bring about chemical and hormonal changes in the body. Spending excessive time researching one’s own illness can lead to cognitive exhaustion.
Exhausted by countless unproductive doctor appointments. As someone with an invisible illness, receiving normal test results can be disheartening. It often feels like I have to constantly struggle to convince my doctors of my symptoms and experiences.

What you can do:

Find someone who will listen and understand your experiences. This could be a close friend, family member, doctor, or therapist. If possible and desired, it may be beneficial to seek out a therapist trained in helping those with chronic illnesses.
Join a support group. These groups can provide a safe and welcoming environment to share experiences, create connections, and receive support from others who understand your journey. Not sure where to start? Reach out to organizations that specialize in your condition. Additionally, you could become a part of The Global Autoimmune Institute’s Autoimmune Aware Support Group community, which holds monthly meetings open to all through virtual sessions.
Don’t try to do it all at once.

In order to avoid mental exhaustion, it is important to establish limits. When researching your condition, set a designated amount of time that you will not go over. You can also ask for assistance from friends and family by assigning them certain topics to research for you.

It’s important to remember that facing mental health challenges is not something to be ashamed of. In fact, it takes a lot of bravery and self-care to ask for support. It’s also important to recognize that the journey towards acceptance and healing is not a straight line. Be gentle with yourself and know that your difficult days do not define you.
Focus a few moments each day to gratitude and mindfulness. Take a few minutes out of every day to pause and focus on your breathing. Shut your eyes, tune in to your body, and acknowledge any sensations or emotions that arise during these moments. You may want to keep a diary to record specific details or reflections about your day, or simply list things you are thankful for.

SOCIAL IMPACT OF AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE

Developing an autoimmune disease or other chronic condition can bring significant changes to one’s life. The challenges of managing fluctuating symptoms, varying energy levels, and overall needs may lead to feelings of being a burden to those around them. Furthermore, social opportunities may become limited due to these health changes, which can be a challenging adjustment. Other challenges can include:

Being isolated because of limited physical abilities, low levels of energy, or frequent hospital stays.
Avoiding social interactions to prevent judgment or having to explain one’s illness. Feeling anxious about discussing the illness and expressing needs for accessibility or dietary restrictions.
Withdrawing from others due to exhaustion from hearing hurtful comments or unwanted advice about the illness.

What you can do:

Do your best to avoid isolating yourself. Make a list of activities that make you feel comfortable and are achievable for you. Ask your friends, family, or people in your household to help come up with ideas. On days when your illness is particularly challenging, remember that you can still connect with others without needing to be physically present. Consider using a video calling app to stay in touch with loved ones. Simple activities like watching a movie together on Facetime or Skype can provide immense comfort.
If you struggle with feeling like you are a burden, have an open conversation with your friends and loved ones about it. Talking honestly about your illness can be a huge relief and lead to stronger communication and trust between you.
When facing social situations, think ahead about what information you feel comfortable sharing about your illness, dietary restrictions, accessibility needs, etc. You may even want to write a brief script explaining your condition so that you can feel confident and direct when discussing it.

It’s crucial to keep in mind that managing a chronic illness and maintaining mental well-being can involve various approaches. If one method is not effective for you, it does not mean that you have failed. There is no set guide on how to navigate life with a chronic illness, but there is value in small victories. Utilizing your support network, communicating openly with your healthcare team, and practicing self-care are all indicators of your strength and resilience in moving forward.

Behavior Plans

Behavior plans need to be:

• Simple

• Specific

• Sustainable

• Steady

• Special

• Step by Step

Steps toward developing a good behavior plan:

1. Identify the problematic behavior. What specific behavior do you want the child to stop? Or is it a specific behavior you want the child to do more? Examples: I want my 8-year-old daughter to stop throwing things when she is angry or I want my son to brush his teeth two times per day.

2. Observe. You are going to observe two areas.

a) First, how often do they do the undesired behavior. Examples: you observe that your daughter is throwing things in anger five times per day on average and you observe that your son is only brushing his teeth one time per week after a significant argument.

b) Second, what are rewards that are being given each day that are the child’s favorite things? Examples: Your daughter wants to play video games for an hour each day. Your son loves to watch his favorite tv show before bed each night.

3. Identify a positive statement about desired behavior – you want to identify what you want them TO DO not what you want them NOT to do. Examples: You will use kind words and a safe body at all times and you will brush your teeth each day after breakfast and each day after dinner.

4. Now you are going to develop the specific part of the plan. Part one, identify how frequently are you going to provide small reinforcers during the day and what will the reward look like. Examples:

a) You identify there are 12 hours in a day that your child is awake and available for rewards. You are, in the beginning, going to try and decrease from an average of 5 anger outbursts a day to 2. Therefore, the reward will be earned if they get 10 stars a day.

A timer is set for one hour. When the timer goes off, no matter what else is going on, you will acknowledge that your daughter was able to use her kind words and safe body. Celebrate her success enthusiastically and point out, if applicable, times when you knew it was hard for her. “You made great choices and I am very proud of you. I know it was hard not to yell at me when I told you to clean up your toys but you didn’t make that choice and that was amazing. Here’s a star on your chart and I’ll set the timer for another hour so you can earn another one.”

In the event they are not successful, a simple statement is all that is necessary. “I am sorry you aren’t earning your star this hour, but I am setting the timer again and I know you can do it next time.”

At the end of the day, you count the stars earned. If she has earned 10 stars, she gets to play one hour of video games from 7 pm-8 pm.

b) Your son must at first, go from brushing his teeth once per week to a minimum of once per day. So you establish that each night at 7 pm if he has brushed his teeth that day on his own without conflict, he gets to watch his favorite TV show.

5. After a significant period of success you will begin to raise expectations. Maybe for your daughter’s anger, you go from 10 stars to get a reward to 12 stars to get the reward. Your son will need to brush his teeth two times per day to get the reward.

6. Following another period of significant success, you can also increase the time between rewards. This is more for plans using regular intervals of reinforcement during the day. So you can increase the time intervals from 1 hour to 90 minutes, but the expectation of 100% remains constant.

Remember –

• Simple – choose one or two target behaviors at a time. Note: If there are two behaviors to modify, there must be two rewards. Each behavior and reward is independent of another. This means they may earn one reward but not necessarily earn the other. Rewards must be daily!

• Specific – very specific, what is the desired behavior and what is the reward? When will it happen? How will it happen?

• Sustainable – Make sure this is something you can do in the long term. It doesn’t need to be expensive or something that isn’t readily available to you.

• Steady– This means consistent across all environments – If there are two homes, each parent needs to use the same plan. Involve the school when possible. Every adult in the child’s life needs to be on board.

• Special – Personalize the plan for each child’s needs and desires – no two behavior plans should look the same. • Step by Step – Reward progress, not perfection; especially in the beginning, you need to recognize that behavior takes time to change. Expecting perfection, in the beginning, leads to failure. Allow mistakes without shame.

By: Marla Y. Johns, MS MHP LMHC

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