Before defining positive parenting, it’s important to consider that the term “parents” encompasses a variety of individuals who play a significant role in a child’s development. Beyond biological and adoptive parents, this can include foster parents, single parents, step-parents, older siblings, and other family members or non-relatives involved in a child’s life. Therefore, when we use terms like “parent” or “caregiver,” we are referring to anyone who has a consistent relationship with and interest in the well-being of a child. Fortunately, research on parenting has shifted from focusing on risk factors to examining protective factors and promoting positive outcomes. Positive parenting is an example of this approach by emphasizing behaviors that contribute to healthy youth development. In fact, Seay and her colleagues (2014) have reviewed numerous studies and defined positive parenting as an ongoing relationship between parent(s) and child that includes nurturing, teaching, guiding, communicating, and meeting a child’s needs consistently and unconditionally.
According to the Committee of Ministers of the Council of Europe (2006), positive parenting is characterized by nurturing, empowering, and nonviolent behaviors. It also involves providing recognition and guidance while setting boundaries to support the child’s complete development (as cited in Rodrigo et al., 2012, p. 4). From these definitions and the existing literature on positive parenting, it can be inferred that positive parenting entails the following:
• It involves Guiding
• It involves Leading
• It involves Teaching
• It is Caring
• It is Empowering
• It is Nurturing
• It is Sensitive to the Child’s Needs
• It is Consistent
• It is Always Non-violent
• It provides Regular Open Communication
• It provides Affection
• It provides Emotional Security
• It provides Emotional Warmth
• It provides Unconditional Love
• It recognizes the Positive
• It respects the Child’s Developmental Stage
• It rewards Accomplishments
• It sets Boundaries
• It shows Empathy for the Child’s Feelings
• It supports the Child’s Best Interests
Godfrey (2019) suggests that the key belief of positive parenting is that every child is inherently good and has an innate desire to do what is right (positiveparenting.com). This approach also aims to use disciplinary techniques that nurture a child’s self-worth and foster a respectful relationship between parent and child, without crushing the child’s spirit (Godfrey, 2019). These authors paint positive parenting as a nurturing and affectionate method, but not one that allows for permissiveness.
Numerous studies have demonstrated the positive effects of parenting on a child’s development, both in the short and long term. The Positive Parenting Research Team (PPRT) at the University of Southern Mississippi, led by Nicholson in 2019, has focused on investigating how positive parenting practices can shape a child’s outcomes. Ultimately, their goal is to encourage families to engage in positive parenting behaviors.
In their longitudinal study spanning seven years, Pettit, Bates, and Dodge (1997) analyzed the effects of supportive parenting on pre-kindergartners. Supportive parenting was defined as displaying warmth and care towards one’s child, actively teaching and guiding them, using inductive discipline techniques, and being positively involved in their lives. The researchers compared this approach to less supportive parenting styles, which were found to lead to more positive school adjustment and fewer behavior problems for children by the time they reached sixth grade. Additionally, supportive parenting served as a buffer against negative factors within the family (such as low socioeconomic status, familial stress, and single parenthood), reducing the likelihood of children developing behavioral issues later on (Pettit et al., 2006).
Through their studies at the Gottman Institute, researchers also looked into the effects of positive parenting. They created a 5-step program called ’emotion coaching’ with the goal of promoting children’s self-assurance and encouraging healthy intellectual and psychosocial development.
Gottman’s five steps for parents include: 1. awareness of emotions; 2. connecting with your child; 3. listening to your child; 4. naming emotions; and 5. finding solutions (Gottman, 2019).
Research consistently shows that positive parenting has a significant impact on the healthy development of children. This influence is long-lasting and extends far beyond childhood. Positive parenting can be viewed as a source of resilience for children, even those who may have faced initial disadvantages. By providing a nurturing and supportive environment, positive parenting equips children with the emotional strength to face challenges. As a result, positive parenting helps to minimize gaps in health and opportunities for all children. With such overwhelming evidence, it’s no wonder that every parent would want to learn how to implement positive parenting strategies and give their child the best chance at a happy and fulfilling life.
Many people associate the word ‘discipline’ with punishment and negativity. However, according to Merriam-Webster (2019), discipline means “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character.” This definition serves as a reminder that as parents, we are not just disciplinarians, but also teachers. Our goal is to respectfully guide our children towards making positive choices and reinforce good behaviors. Positive discipline aligns with authoritative parenting, as it should be administered with a firm yet loving approach. It is important to note that positive discipline does not involve violence, aggression, or criticism; it is not meant to be punitive. Research has shown that physical punishment such as spanking is ineffective in changing long-term behavior and can have negative consequences on children (Gershoff, 2013).
Positive discipline aims to educate and train, rather than inflict pain or harm (Kersey, 2006, p. 1). According to Nelsen (2006), a sense of belonging is a fundamental need for all individuals, and this cannot be achieved through punishment. In fact, she outlines the four harmful effects of punishment on children (“the four R’s”), including resentment towards parents, seeking revenge, rebellion against authority, and withdrawal and loss of self-esteem (Nelsen, 2006).
In her informative and practical guide for parents, Positive Discipline (Nelsen, 2006) highlights several crucial components of positive discipline: non-violence, respect, and alignment with developmental principles; instilling self-respect, empathy, and self-efficacy in children; and nurturing a strong and positive relationship between parent and child. In other words, “by showing respect towards children, we are teaching them that every person, no matter their size, power or vulnerability, deserves to be treated with respect – a lesson that our world desperately needs” (LR Knost, lovelivegrow.com).
Considering that positive discipline does not involve punishment, we must ask ourselves, “What does it actually entail?” This question is especially pressing for parents who feel like their child is actively trying to drive them insane. We will cover some common frustrations parents face in this article, but for a more thorough understanding, Kersey’s (2006) “101 Positive Principles of Discipline” is an excellent resource. Here are her top ten principles:
- Demonstrate Respect Principle: Treat the child in the same respectful way you would like to be treated.
2. Make a Big Deal Principle: Use positive reinforcement in meaningful ways for desired behaviors. Reward such behaviors with praise, affection, appreciation, privileges, etc.
3. Incompatible Alternative Principle: Provide the child with a behavior to substitute for the undesirable one, such as playing a game rather than watching tv.
4. Choice Principle: Provide the child with two choices for positive behaviors so that he/she feels a sense of empowerment. For example, you might say “would you rather take your bath before or after your brush your teeth?”
5. When/Then – Abuse it/Lose it Principle: Ensure that rewards are lost when rules are broken. For example, you might say “After you clean your room, you can play outside” (which means that a child who does not clean his/her room, will not get to play outside. Period.)
6. Connect Before You Correct Principle: Ensure that the child feels loved and cared for before behavioral problems are attended to.
7. Validation Principle: Validate the child’s feelings. For example, you might say “I know you are sad about losing your sleepover tonight and I understand”.
8. Good Head on Your Shoulders Principle: Ensure that the child hears the equivalent of “you have a good head on your shoulders” in order to feel capable, empowered and responsible for his/her choices. This is especially important for teenagers.
9. Belonging and Significance Principle: Ensure that your child feels important and as if he/she belongs. For example, remind your child that he/she is really good at helping in the kitchen and that the family needs this help in order to have dinner.
10.Timer Says it’s Time Principle: Set a timer to help children make transitions. This helps kids to know what’s expected of them and may also involve giving them a choice in terms of the amount of time. For example, you might say “Do you need 15 or 20 minutes to get dressed?” Make sure to let the child know that the time is set.
With the abundance of positive parenting options and helpful resources at hand, parents can confidently embrace their role as educators, mentors, and positive influences for their children. By consistently implementing these strategies, parents can establish a strong and lasting bond with their children that will endure throughout their lives.
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